If I Had Legs I’d Kick You

If you hang out online long enough, you’re bound to see a video of someone in a coffee shop or store having a breakdown and yelling at a stranger. It’s easy, as we watch, to judge them and ask ourselves, WTF is up with them? What we rarely do is think about what led to that exact moment — what the breaking point was. Everyone has their problems. Life is tough. And few movies I’ve seen recently capture the unraveling of a person better than Mary Bronstein’s If I Had Legs I’d Kick You.

We meet Linda (Rose Byrne) in her therapist’s office, sitting with her daughter as they try to work through some issues. Linda’s husband Charles (Christian Slater) is away for work, leaving her to juggle her daughter — who has special needs — with her own career. Her job is as a therapist, but Linda is struggling herself, often heading down the hall to confide in another therapist (Conan O’Brien) in an attempt to keep her own balance. Things aren’t terrible, but they’re hard. Then one day, after she returns home, the match that lights her spiral arrives: her ceiling collapses. Forced to move into a nearby motel with her daughter, Linda meets James (A$AP Rocky), who tries to charm her while also angling for money to buy drugs. From there, everything unravels further. Each small problem grows into something overwhelming as Linda steadily loses control.

Written and directed by Bronstein, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You thrums with frantic energy, creating a sensory assault that mirrors Linda’s own panic. The story is one long sense of unraveling, as Linda loses her supports one by one and watches her world collapse. Add in a husband who constantly calls to complain about how little she’s doing, so it’s only a matter of time before she breaks. We feel every ounce of it thanks to a haunting score that seems to affect your breathing and heart rate, pulling you directly into Linda’s overwhelmed headspace.

If I Had Legs I’d Kick You delivers a hard truth as it examines the exhaustion a parent can face. At times it may feel like too much — but isn’t life like that, too? I’m not exaggerating when I say this film can make your heart race. So why put yourself through it? The answer is simple: Bronstein’s film conveys the crushing reality of motherhood — and adulthood — in the modern age with striking honesty.

What makes it work so well are Bronstein’s choices: invasive close-ups, the raw physicality of Rose Byrne’s performance, and a refusal to look away from Linda’s exhaustion. Byrne is magnificent here, portraying Linda with unflinching vulnerability. She may steer the ship, but the supporting cast — O’Brien and A$AP Rocky included — are perfectly placed, helping to create the complex world closing in on her.

Above all, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You captivates through its raw presentation, pulling you into Linda’s breakdown and refusing to let go. It’s deeply affecting, and for many, it will hit uncomfortably close to home.