Red One

There are plenty of ways to tell the holidays are upon us, but for me, it’s always been the arrival of Christmas-themed movies that signals the season. These movies come in all forms, but it can feel like being on the naughty or nice list: that list might determine which movie you end up with. If you’re nice, you get classics like A Christmas Story, Elf, or Christmas Vacation. But if you’re on the naughty list, you’re stuck with Fred Claus or Christmas with the Kranks, which are the cinematic equivalent of receiving coal in your stocking. With one of this year’s first offerings, Red One, the question is, which list will it fall on? Let’s just say, be careful before reaching into that stocking.

It’s just a few days before Christmas, and St. Nick (J.K. Simmons) is getting ready for another night of delivering presents to kids worldwide. As he prepares, he’s flanked by his chief protector, Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson), whose only job is to make sure nothing stands in Santa’s way. Meanwhile, in the real world, Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans) is up to no good, breaking into a facility to track down information for someone who paid him handsomely. That intel? The location of Santa’s Village in the North Pole. Someone plans to kidnap Santa for their own reasons, and that someone is Gryla (Kiernan Shipka), a witch who just wants to punish everyone on the naughty list. Gryla succeeds in kidnapping Santa, and if Christmas is going to happen, it’s up to Callum and Jack to save it.

Written by Chris Morgan and Hiram Garcia, Red One feels like everything that is wrong with Hollywood today, wrapped in a bow and handed to us. Its seems studios are still trying to make everything into a Marvel movie. Unfortunately even Marvel can’t make a Marvel movie well anymore. This film is loaded with green-screen environments and CGI, creating a world where nothing feels real. The visuals aren’t the only hollow part of this movie—the plot is equally thin, with things constantly happening, yet somehow feeling like nothing is happening at all. If you’re catching the theme here, Red One lacks almost everything you would want to entertain you, including any genuine emotion, which is quite strange for a Christmas movie.

At no point does Red One feel like a gift; instead, it feels like you’ve received not just a lump of coal, but a whole mine’s worth. The film suffers from a lack of creativity, and for something billed as a Christmas action movie, the action scenes feel both over-the-top and clumsy. To make matters worse, Evans and Johnson—who should be the heart of the film—never seem to find any chemistry, which really hampers the buddy-comedy dynamic. Add in the overall messiness, and you’re left with a cautionary tale of what not to do when making a holiday movie.

I will say there are a few good ideas here, but they’re underused, leaving us with a film that mostly misses the mark. Sadly, Christmas has not come early with Red One. Instead, it’s the perfect reminder of what awaits you if you ever end up on the naughty list.